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5:38am on Sunday the 16th of June
TUESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: ACORN, THE MOVIE

So ACORN, everyone's favorite nuthouse, finally closed its doors. I quietly mourned, just as I had when "Just Nuts" at the local mall shut down. It had 60 kinds of nuts, including the Ogbono - which isn't really a nut, but a drupe. Fun fact: macadamia is neither a nut or a drupe, but a follicle.

Maybe that wasn't a fun fact after all.

Kind of an opposite of a fun fact, if you ask me.

But you didn't. Anyway, with ACORN gone, it leads me to two thoughts. One: if it were a right-wing entity, and the pranksters were lefties - this would immediately turn into a mega-million dollar movie, directed by Steven Soderberg, with George Clooney comically hamming it up as the bad guy.

In fact, they should do that, anyway!

Turn ACORN into a drug company, with James O'keefe and Hannah Giles becoming whistleblowers who discover that the lifesaving cancer drug was made from fetuses! No wait. That won't matter. It's made from puppies! Right! puppies!

Matt Damon could play O'keefe, or possibly even Giles. He'll take any excuse to show off his marvelous legs.

But you get my point. In the past five years, we've had two very funny movies by Sasha Baron Cohen, a performer who used either racist or overly obnoxious characters to create discomfort among clueless Yanks (who, for the most part, reacted politely). But none of his pranks ever exposed corruption or real, deadly hate. I've said it before - Cohen, a Jew, would have scored more points if he hit a Willesden mosque, instead of a southern rodeo.

But he's the star.

Anyway, I look forward to the newest incarnation of ACORN. This stuff just doesn't go away, you know - it only finds another shell.

(What, you thought I wouldn't end with a nut metaphor?)

And if you disagree with me, you're a homophobe racist who bullies overweight flight attendants.

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