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11:12pm on Thursday the 15th of November
WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: LINDSEY LOHAN

So by now you've heard about the cocktail reception that took place Tuesday in Beverly Hills, netting Obama something like 50 billion dollars in cash, an event pimpled with celebrities who really care about you but also marred by a live performance by walking gasbag Barbra Streisand. But while this was going on another celebrity was left languishing - metaphorically anyway - in a corner. That's Lindsay Lohan. According to some reports, Lilo desperately wanted to help Obama's crusade to the White House, offering to host events as a way to attract people who still think she matters (i.e. ten year old girls and seventy year-old men in overcoats).

Sadly, and somewhat shamefully, Barack's staff ignored her offers, implying she is not the kind of celebrity they want linked to their glorious mission to change the world. Now, if this isn't a pure example of intolerance, I don't know what is. Sure, Lohan is a tad unstable, often forgetting to wear underwear, hitting parked cars for fun and always trying to claim the drugs the cops find afterward aren't hers. And then there's the fact that, for the time being anyway, she's a lesbian dating some creature in a hat a temporary hobby that will end once the Sapphic set gets sick of her mindless antics, like the rest of us.

Lastly, she's freckled which may be the clincher here. I mean, if you look at all of Obama's supporters there's not a freckled freak among them and I wonder why. What is a heavily freckled person, really but a random mixture of black and white - or maybe red - a perfect emblem of a colorblind society? Add to that, the fact that when Lohan has been busted with drugs in the past, she's blamed it on the nearest black guy. For that reason alone, I wouldn't let her near Obama.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

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