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11:18pm on Thursday the 15th of November
MONDAY'S GREGALOGUE: FAT-IRAQI'S

So, according to the LA Times, Iraqi`s are turning into I-fatties, thanks to America`s brutal invasion and unseemly occupation. It seems that sectarian violence – a result of the war - caused citizens to retreat into their homes – where they sit around and eat all day, glued to their Play Stations and flat screens – just like us evil Yanks.


But here`s the weird thing about the article - they don`t cite statistics showing this so-called increase from pre-invasion to now. Instead, they cite a relatively current percentage of those who are already obese. To top that off, the reporters then interviewed a handful of fat people.

That`s Pulitzer material, friends.

But you know - even if the trend had gone in the opposite direction –with Iraqi`s losing instead of gaining weight – it wouldn`t have mattered. "Sectarian violence," the reporter would write, "is preventing people from getting adequate nourishment, causing many to starve. Cannibalism cannot be far behind." The fact is, because we are winning the war, and things are looking good, the media is having a hard time finding awful things to write about. So, thank God for obesity. It`s always there when you need it – and you can blame it on the United States.

But hey, even the Times reporter confesses that as the violence evaporates, Iraqi`s may find the time to exercise and lose the flab. The good news is, they`ve lost two hundred ugly pounds already. It's called Saddam Hussein.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

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