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9:07pm on Tuesday the 23rd of July
MONDAY'S GREGALOGUE: ETHANOL AND CANNIBALISM

A few months ago I suggested a solution to all of our environmental ills: eat people. Eating people reduces consumption of other products by humans, as well as inevitable waste created by humans after said consumption - making the world a better place. Plus, with a high protein, low carb diet, you're bound to lose weight and look great in a satin shorty robe with velcro closures.

Well, I'm glad to say that were one step closer to this utopian dream. Faced with imminent destruction of the planet due to global warming, farmers are now forced to turn crops into fuel. Ethanol is apparently the answer to our energy needs- even though it's forcing farmers to raise their prices, which they don't mind - and reducing supplies of food. I imagine this can't be good news for countries with starving people like Canada.

How did we get to this point? Well, at the heart of global warming theology - and it is a theology - is a fundamental self-loathing for the human race, knitted into an overpowering sense of self-importance. The selfish, all-consuming human is what's wrong with the world - and hooray for me! - the sensitive, intelligent Prius driver, for pointing it out.

Which means -with a reduction in food and rising prices - we're approaching what the Gores of the world really want - the sacrifice of humanity for a false god, global warming. Choosing this pagan religion over people can only mean, ultimately, cannibalism. So pass the ketchup and dig in.

Save me the rump.

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