So I was trying to read the New York Times last night - it`s hard when you`ve got young ones to take care of - and I came across an article noting that social monogamy is rarely accompanied by sexual monogamy in the animal kingdom. They looked at birds, lesser apes and voles (which are basically like Kathy Griffin but with less hair), and found that their offspring were often sired by someone other than the resident hubby. This means that humans are no different than mindless critters - and in conclusion monogamy is a fantasy - unrealistic and unreachable - like trying to find a decent smoked gouda.

I`m not so much intrigued by this story as I am by its timing - it came out a few days after Eliot Spitzer got his penis stuck in the vagina jar. You see, when it comes to philandering Democrats, you can always find someone in the media willing to attribute his stupid behavior not to hypocrisy or corruption - but to nature. But this only happens, you`ll find, with Democrats. If you look at a goofball like Larry Craig - arrested for toe-tapping on a toilet - you`ll find almost all media criticism was focused on "hypocrisy." Why? Well, I`ll give you a hint: it rhymes with the word "Republican." Well, it is Republican.

The fact is, when someone you support or have some kind of affiliation with ends up screwing up, you cut them slack. That`s why when Republican politicians get nailed, the media calls them hypocritical crooks. But when it`s Democrats, then it`s just part of being a dude in this crazy promiscuous planet full of horny primates and vivacious voles. Me, all I`m asking for is consistency -not just in the quality of my houseboys, but in the way these events are reported by the Times. And frankly, I don`t think that`s too much to ask, is it?