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9:13pm on Tuesday the 23rd of July
WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: BUTTBOYS

Sometimes when I'm alone in my room, nude, I'll sit and ask myself this question: what makes smart people act so stupid? Then I discover why: they're stupid. But for the longest time - usually by emoting serious sentiments following times of tragedy - they have managed to fool people into thinking they're smart.

I call it Sean Pennitis.

Penn is currently filming a movie, playing Harvey Milk, the gay supervisor who was murdered years ago by Dan White. Milk was instantly martyred, which is why Penn is playing him - it's easy to act a martyr, especially when the rest of your life is a mess.

During one scene, Sean gives a speech at a vigil to commemorate the deaths of Milk and Mayor George Moscone, also killed by White. Penn does the speech, but then during a break, goes off on one of his own.


He says, quote, "I almost wish Jerry Falwell were alive to see this. Almost," Penn shouted to the crowd. "Bill O'Reilly, who is too stupid to talk about," and "Sean Hannity, the butt boy of Rupert Murdoch," Penn said, "We know something more. We know their end is near."

These simple sentences are a rich reminder that actors, without lines, are empty vessels - laptops without software - shiny at first, but useless. Only a magical creep like Penn could play a gay character one minute, and then follow it with a homophobic slur about someone else. "Butt boy" really means "brownnoser," someone who inserts his face into someone's buttocks to gain favor. It's a messy business, costing about 45 dollars in the west Village.

But how weird is it- that at a reenactment of a 1970's gay event, Penn uses a form of recreation that most attending would find pleasurable - as an insult toward someone else! Displaying such anti-gay venom - perhaps he should have played Dan White instead.

But maybe we can forgive Penn. A fixation on brownnosing must come naturally to a man who's got his head up his own ass.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler!

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TONIGHTS GUESTS: Comedian Jamie Lissow, Julie banderas, Dr. Michael Baden and Marc Malkin from E.

Enjoysies!

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