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9:28pm on Tuesday the 23rd of July
today's gregalogue: Bill Maher Syndrome

So what can Elliot Spitzer do to make this all go away? My friend Andy, who is a world class nerd, explains that Spitzer needs to be honest. Fact is, he's an ugly dork. He spent most of his young adult life saddled with a goofy physique, one that served as a pedestal for a mug designed to give children nightmares. And that's why he ended up where is he today.

Instead of picking up chicks, he picked up books. He scored an amazing 1590 on the SAT exam, and went to Princeton, where he was elected chairman of the undergraduate student government. Then he nailed a perfect score on the LSAT and went on to Harvard Law. He got married and had kids.

But something was missing - and that was something called "getting your freak on." His hard work, his determination and his creepy nerdiness - prevented that. But now as governor of New York - he had real status. And he fell victim to "Ugly Rich Guy Disorder" - otherwise known as Bill Maher Syndrome -in which a dorky guy is determined to make up for lost time by having as much sex as possible - now that he has power. Maher, no lady killer in the lean years, practically lives at the Playboy mansion now. Spitzer would have done the same - if he didn't have to be so discreet. Hence - the whores. It's hard to chat up waitresses at Applebees, when you're the governor.

So how does Spitzer get out of this? By being honest, and getting other ugly rich guys to back him. If he just says, "Look, I'm not an attractive guy. I didn't get laid in high school," then wealthy nerds across the country will rise up to defend him, led by Bill Gates, and possibly even Jeremy Piven.

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tonights guests: Jeanine Pirro, Greg Wilson, Julia Allison, and Dr. Baden!
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