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9:10am on Friday the 6th of December
WEDNESDAY'S GREGALOGUE: YOGA CLOWNS

I consider myself an openminded person- you can ask anyone who answers my ad on Craig's list. They're usually surprised - then satisfied - and only a small portion ask for their money back or seek medical attention.

But my openmindedness stops at yoga clowns. What's a yoga clown? Well, according to one who goes by the name, "Zinnia," it's a clown who combines posturing and meditation into normal clowning techniques. I believe Yanni invented this.

Zinnia claims she became a yoga clown after 9/11, while living in Belgium - making it another thing we can blame on the terrorists. Sadly there's another yoga clown, called Banana Peel - who rides a unicycle. He says his vocation has not made him rich. He'd probably live in a clown car, if he had one. But I suppose now that there are two yoga clowns on our earth's surface, this constitutes a trend.

Zinnia says clown yoga helps children become healthier - but only if the kids let their guard down. And herein lies my point: as a general rule, you should never listen to anyone who says you should "let your guard down." Guards are "up" for a reason. Religion, evolution and even paintball have shown that people who let their guards down die. Letting your guard down is no different than "if it feels good do it" - a gimmick used to get you to do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Like clown yoga.

If any adult forces their child to participate in a class featuring clown yoga, I strongly suggest you report them to the authorities - as child abusers. And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler. Or a yoga clown.

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