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1:46pm on Thursday the 20th of June
WATCH REDEYE AND WIN A PUPPY!

If by "puppy," I mean "my undying admiration," then the above headline is completely accurate.

Today we're going to talk about all sorts of stuff. The Oscars, for starters. What can we say about the Oscars? Well, first off - they suck. (I plan on expanding on this thesis later).

I am also very excited that the Today show is starting a contest called, "anchor for a day," which i believe is designed to find an actual man to be on the show. I believe Matt Lauer is neither a man, or a mouse - but an amalgam of gum, twizzlers, some play dough and wicker. His voice is piped in through a hidden speaker, and it's actually a reconfigurated gerbil fart.

Barak is quitting smoking. Which sucks. I would have voted for him if only because of that habit. But if you're going to be squeaky "clean," you can't smoke. It sucks, because only cool people smoke. Like Daniel Baldwin, who has had a warrant issued for his arrest, since he failed to show up for a court date over charges of grand theft auto. He's the only Baldwin that matters, with the possible exception of the piano.

Gary Glitter's getting out earlier than expected. That's a good thing, because he looks interesting. I mean, really interesting. I dig his hair. His goatee. So what if he like to screw underage foreignors? Nike's been doing that for years.

A study out of some virginia college suggests that some children are actually "born evil." I would amend that finding to "all" children.

In England, the highest number of abortions occur in January, and they're blaming it on Christmas. Or rather, drinking during Christmas. How "ironic" is that - Jesus is responsible for abortions. I bet that's got to get a chuckle out of the Pope. The Pope is against abortion, right?

Walmart is being sued - which means Walmart is probably doing something good.

Organic food - which usually means food that's free-range, grass-fed, hormone free- might also include cloned cows. That's got to confuse the nutbags at GNC.

Gore says Bush is paying scientists to say global warming doesn't exist. I don't believe Gore exists, and no one is paying me to say that.

DAILYGUT.COM digg this

any thoughts or ideas for the show? comment below! and don't forget to watch either. I need the work.

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