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11:28am on Sunday the 22nd of September
TIME PICKS YOU AS PERSON OF THE YEAR (Time still exists, no?)
You have been named as Time magazine's Person of the Year for the growth and influence of user-generated content on the internet.
The US magazine praised the public for "seizing the reins of the global media" and filling the web's virtual world.

Time has been giving its controversial awards since 1927, aiming to identify those who most affect the news. digg this
"So, what'd you do today?"

"I spent 14 hours paving a road so people can get to where they need to
go and the American economy can flow. how 'bout you?"

"Well, I helped suppress a taliban offensive aimed at overthrowing the afghan
government. how 'bout you?"

"I put up a youtube video of my cat throwing up and added 3 new friends
to my myspace account - i'm a person of the year!"


As pleased as I am to receive an award, I refuse to accept it, and so should you. Seriously, unless we get a party, or a cash prize - what's the point?
Here's the point (actually there's more than one):

Since the award is given to those who use or create web content, and the overwhelming majority of content on the web is actually pornography, Time essentially awarded Person of the Year to a bunch of jerk offs.

Moreover, it's laughable that instead of picking an individual, TIme has to go "high concept" and pick a novelty winner like "you." It's like awarding the planet or a garden tool. What's next? Oxygen? "Without it, we'd be dead," says Time's Lev Grossman. What kind of person is named Lev, anyway? Shut up Lev! This pathetic award shows how desperate Time is to attract readers to its dying magazine. It's a kiss ass joke designed to make their flimsy finger-staining rag seem relevent, when the only time you actually read it is when there's no recent copy of Sports Illustrated lying around at the dentist. I will say this -in a pinch, the thin paper stock is a perfectly fine replacement for toilet tissue. I blow my nose in it regularly.

I also wonder if Time thought all of us were going to purchase an issue because it might have our name in it. "Look, everyone, I'm person of the year!" (that would have been a great gimmick - just list every living person between the ages of 14 and 54 - each issue would be airlifted to your house and dumped on your lawn). Time editors are like middle-aged parents trying to impress their kid's friends by offering them beer. Please, you're embarrassing yourself.

What's more hysterical: The idea of making it appear like web users have affected the world so dramatically. The web is just a better telephone. And if anything, it wastes more time than it saves, and narrows lives rather than enriches. its true. i used to like going to the library with my mom. Not anymore. I don't even know where the library is. Or my mother, for that matter.

The web has created an illusion of a community - as well as an illusion of influence that community believes it has. I may have 13, 459 friends on Myspace - but when was the last time they baked me cookies? Or gave me a back rub? Answer: a very long time, I'm afraid!!!

Imagine what would happen if Youtube disappeared today - how would it affect your life? What - no more videos of cats getting caught in ceiling fans? The horror! Oh dear - now it will take months before you might see Michael Richard's racist rant or Lindsey Lohan's exposed genitals! What will you do in the meantime? You might actually go to a bar and talk to a real girl - and if you're lucky - see a real vagina!!!

Has the ability to post little videoclips to the web greatly affected anyone besides the "lazy sunday" guys, Michael Richards or George Allen's "macaca" experience? Every article about the power of Youtube talks about "lazy sunday" like it was world-changing for more than two people. If anything, the people behind Google and the other search engines are the internet-types who have actually changed the world. Youtube and myspace could disappear tomorrow and the only end result would be fewer vitamin D deficiencies among teenagers. And a bunch of Myspace poor slobs would realize that the thousand or so "friends" they thought they had don't really exist, and that they're actually lonely people. (at which point they might go shoot up a mall - hey, maybe this is an argument FOR myspace - it gives the previously mentioned false sense of community to people who might otherwise torture puppies or shoot up their schools.)

I also think the web has actually harmed our country by creating a nation of online paper tigers - people who spend their time dehumanizing each other, because it's easier than having a conversation. They dehumanize Bush (who is
all too human, sadly), and anyone who disagrees with them. But never our true enemies - cuz that takes guts. The web has created pussies - not fighters - who hide behind screen names as they type away in their parent's basement. And it has also made our enemies painfully aware that we our a nation of distracted people, fearful of commitment to our country or to God - averse to fighting for anything but our own desires for instant gratification. We would rather send pictures of Britney Spears' vagina to each other, than defend and protect the country from people who don't know who britney spears is, or whether she actually has a vagina. The web has turned everyone into crotch-fondling hermits who prefer scanning/digging or gazing hypnotically at content instead of talking to real people.

It's all typical bullshit elitist journalism (BEJ, for short). Name webusers the people of the year as opposed to people who actually build bridges and housing developments and others who work with their hands. But like I said- since most internet use is centered around porn, i guess they DID give it to people who work with their hands. Which reminds me - I wonder if there are any new babelogs on Fleshbot!
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