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3:23am on Wednesday the 22nd of May
GREG'S UNSPEAKABLE TRUTH OF THE DAY
YOU'RE 48 PERCENT LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
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It's true. In my head, I think I'm almost too handsome - a moving muscular mass of distraction that drives women, men and white-tailed lemurs into a sexual frenzy. But then I look at a picture of myself, and I see a short round sweaty guy. I had to do a photoshoot today for my UK FHM column. It was the New Picadilly Cafe in central London - a 1950's style cafe with fat fry-ups and thin chocolate shakes. I was to be photographed digging into a full english breakfast - with sausages, eggs, streaky bacon, beans and mushrooms. I wore my favorite shirt. When I saw the test Polaroids, I felt sick inside. They say the camera adds ten pounds, but this camera felt extra generous this morning. And all the weight it gave me arrived in my face, which now resembles a soccer ball with eyes.

Speaking of which tomorrow I am playing soccer against a junior Arsenal team (a group of 13 year olds- all future stars for the pro team Arsenal in four or five years). If you do not see any items here tomorrow, it is because I am in the hospital.


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