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11:07pm on Tuesday the 19th of February
WILL POPE INCITE OTHER RELIGIONS TO APOLOGIZE? PROBABLY NOT!
Iraqis are burning effigies of the pope and Terrorist group Al-Qaeda vows to pursue yet another holy war, as an apology by the Pope fell on deaf ears on Monday.
monsterandcritics.com digg this
TONY DANIEL'S WORLD RELIGION APOLOGY ROUND UP!

Brahman, the Hindu Totality of Being: I`d like to apologize for often being confused with the White Angus breed of cattle. I`m a much finer grade, with strong marbling in the buttocks and hooves that don`t split on the rocky ground often found in semi-arid prairies and steppes. I`m also sorry that all who look on me go mad from the complexity and wonder. You can look at an Angus all day and that never happens. My anus, on the other hand, is as kharma-licious as the rest of me! Oh, that`s another thing entirely. See what I mean about confusion!

Zoroaster: I`d like to apologize for the buzzard shortage. Yes, I admit it, we bury our dead in exposed racks in corpse-crammed "Towers of Silence" and the birds feed on them, eyes first and then the fingers. Always a good meal there, no waiting. You may have wondered why the road kill on your highways is not promptly taken care of and dog and deer carcasses sometimes sit decaying for week. I`m afraid my religion is the answer, and for that we are deeply, deeply sorry. But, now you know, I hope you feel better about hitting that little girl`s puppy! There was really no way for you to avoid running onto the shoulder and chasing it down on the grass. If it wanted to live, it wouldn`t have been so damn cute and run-over-able.

Siddhartha Gautama: I`d like to apologize for the stink of lotus flowers. Making them the symbol of enlightened awakening for Buddhism was a big mistake on my part. I agree that they`re worse than those fucking horrible magnolias, and in the U.S., for example, a civil war was fought over that very issue with hundreds of thousands dead and millions tapping around on wooden peglegs. I know, too, that when you sniff the scent a lotus on a woman, it reminds you of your grandmother and your dick goes instantly slack. I am so sorry. I`d do it all over again, but I`m off the Wheel now, chumps!

Amaterasu, Sinto Sun Goddess: I`d like to apologize for taking Family Ties too seriously. I really was on a middling show of the 80s, and ought to be allowed to die a quiet death in the vaults of Hollywood . My attempt to promote it as some kind of television classic and bring on a revival and possible movie deal has been shameless and without excuse. I profoundly apologize. But I still would do Justine Bateman in a heartbeat.

Sikh First Guru, Shri Guru Nanak Dev Ji: I`d like to profoundly apologize for originating the word "guru" in the first place. It`s really a silly thing to call somebody in any language although possible not as dumbass as "tsar." Still. Very sorry about that. Instead of calling your IT geek the "tech-guru," when you want to be nice, might I suggest some less silly alternatives: "vomuk-sallilibab," "nankok," and "gondola," and "thatguyfrank" spring to mind, but you have to remember that English sounds like a retard eating chocolate to me. Or is that shit? Oh. Was that insensitive? I apologize.

Mohammed: Sorry about the whole Taliban thing. Those poor saps need to stop taking my stuff so literally.
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