12:28pm on Wednesday the 23rd of October
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By dustrider
Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "Married With Children", if by 'Married' you mean 'Apprehended in hotel room'.

...and he's actually proud of Maureen Dowd, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.
By thatssorandom
Welcome to Red Eye! It's like "Malcolm in the Middle", if by "Malcolm" you mean "Your Mom"
By thatssorandom
Leanne Tweeden! She knows Hooter's wings like I know stuffin' things. Paradise is a weekend with the guys from Build-a-Bear.
By thatssorandom
Shira Lazar! She's so smokin', she's been banned in most public places. Or was that the shoplifting?
By DarkUrthe
Leanne Tweeden she is so hot that jerky is made just by laying meat across her abdomen

Shira Lazar she is so hot that Ronald Reagan wanted to put her in orbit to shoot down commie nukes

Stephen Kruiser if wit and wisdom were a thanksgiving turkey... kids would reach for his thighs.

Tommy Wisseau he knows infamous cinema like I know being infamous in cinemas... last time I double date wit...
By AUTiger89
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Anatomy of a Murder, if by Murder you mean Houseboy.

Leanne Tweeden, if beauty were a beer keg, frat boys would tap her at parties.

Shira Lazar, she's so hot, she leaves carbon footprints whenever she walks barefoot.
By AUTiger89
Stephen Kruiser, if hilarity were a pool table, people would rack his balls before the break.
By thatssorandom
Stephen Kruiser! If humourous wit was a beat cop, he'd walk the streets, twirling his night stick.
By thatssorandom
What's that smell? Oh, it's my repulsive sidekick, Bill Schulz. Blindfolded kids sometimes pin HIM on the donkey.
By valleysam
Welcome to Redeye - It's like To Catch a Thief; if by thief, you mean venereal disease.

Bill Schulz - He prefers his drug habit over personal hygiene.

Leeann Tweeden - She's so hot; the band Hot Hot Heat is now known as Leeann Leeann Tweeden.

Stephen Kruiser - If brilliant satire were a basketball, large men would slam him in front of thousands of cheering fans.
By thatssorandom
and finally, birds won't even poop on him because it would be disrespectful to bird poop. And they'll poop on anything. Even Bill. What say you, Pinch?
By thatssorandom
Tommy Wiseau! He knows screenplays like I know alleyways. I'm known on the street as "The Finisher".
By broten
Oh hi Denny. If you really want to laugh watch the Rifftrax for The Room.
By azideam
Bill Schulz... he thinks stiff competition should be an Olympic sport. Hmmmm.

They could hold it under a tent.
By azideam
Leanne Tweeden; she knows card games, like I know smart dames. We have Bill on everynight!

Shira Lazar; she knows "on-air, online" like I know Double Nickels on the Dime. It's my favorite Minutemen lp.

Stephen Kruiser; if keen wit were a Snapple, I'd pop his lid just to see what I could learn.
By TulsaTornado
Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like ABC's "V", if by "V" you mean, 'VD'..

Shira Lazar, she's so hot, she has "Handle Carefully - May Cause Dangerous Burns" tattooed on her back..

Leanne Tweeden, she's so hot, m&m's melt in her mouth AND her hands..

Stephen Kruiser, if sharp wit were a bowling alley, people would roll their balls all over him..
By TulsaTornado
Bill Schulz, he's naked under his clothes...
By tintinismybelgian
Welcome to Red Eye: It's like The Way You Look Tonight, if by "Tonight," you mean "Tied Up."

Bill Schulz: His socks smell of unicorn tears and incureable diseases...What have I told you about walking down the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"? Green Day sucks!
By Jersey Dave
Leeann Tweeden: She's so hot that red hot pokers are now known as Leeann Tweeden pokers.

Shira Lazar: She knows the Social Beat like I know potted meat. All men who were ever bachelors know that ham in the can with the Viking on it.

Bill Schulz: Well, he's the Speed to my Demon, the Bobby to my Heenan, and the Submarine, to my Seamen. I speak of course of my co host Bill Schulz....

By wheresmypants
Bill Schulz his own hepatitis rejected his friend request on facebook
By Craigonomics
Shulz - he knows Boycotts as much as he knows putting boys on cots.
By underdog
Welcome to Redeye - It's like The Cat in the Hat, if by Hat, you mean frying pan.
By underdog
Shira Lazar - She knows throwing up food like Bill Shulz knows being booed. They each have their own smelly index finger.
By Meatwad
he puts the turd in turtle, the pee in poop, and he smells like it too! It\'s my disheveled sidkick the one and only william dawes shultz.

He\'s black and white and well, read by no one with more than 2 brain cells, which is evident by their lack of profits and plummeting stock prices, it\'s our new york times correspondant. Pinch, how ya doin pinchy.
By Meatwad
Oh yeah, and Andy Levy IS the man! If by man you mean houseboy.

Props to the half time report.
By Tuna33
Welcome to Red Eye. It's like stained glass, if by glass, you mean pants.

It's the lovely Leanne Tweeden. She's so hot, you could roast marshmallows with her breath.

Also on the show is the adorable Shira Lazar. She's so cute, kittens drag a string in front of her to watch her play.

And it's comedian Stephen Kruiser. If hilarity were a breath mint, I'd suck him until my tongue start...
By josh123
Stupid British Prime Minister debate...

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