12:14pm on Wednesday the 23rd of October
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Fresh from the DAILYGUT.COM


By AUTiger89
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Alice in Wonderland, if by Wonderland you mean my basement.

Jim Norton, if hilarity were chicken, Jamacians would jerk him before throwing him on the grill.
By AUTiger89
S. E. Cupp, she's so sweet, maple trees are suing her for patent infringement.

Carrie Keegan, if beauty and brains were the state of Minnesota, tourists would visit her twin cities on vacation.
By valleysam
Welcome to Redeye - It's like Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, if by garden, you mean basement.

Bill Schulz - In San Francisco he's considered a drop cloth.
By valleysam
Carrie Keagan - If sexiness were a sweepstakes, contestants would enter her often, with no purchase necessary.

S.E. Cupp - She\'s so hot, she has fire marshals as stalkers.
By Brody McBrohiem
Jim Norton - If hilarity were the subway, I would ride his rail every morning.
By azideam
Jim Norton; if hilarity were a bottle of Scope, I'd swish him in my mouth and try not to gag.

S.E. Cupp; she's so intelligent, Encyclopedia Brittanica tries to sell her door-to-door.

Carrie Keagan; she's so hot, Albuquerque now holds S.E. Cupp air balloon races
By azideam
Typo, but interchangable

Carrie Keagan; she's so hot, Albuquerque now holds Carrie Keagan air balloon races.
By azideam
Bill Schulz; you can rent him as a jumpy house (for childrens parties).
By DarkUrthe
Scorpions they know Gorky Park like I know Bryant park

Jim Norton funnier than a clown stepping on a rake, breaking thier nose and bleeding confetti

S.E. Cupp is so hot that hobos will remove one of their 18 layers of clothes when around her

Carrie Keagan is hotness were a photobooth, teenagers would be in her, making faces.
By DarkUrthe
Welcome to Red Eye, its like Bed knobs and broomsticks if by broomsticks you mean straps.

Bill Schulz, the cherry to my pie, the shoe to my fly the no5 to my red dye... he smells of tootsie roll and offal.

The Gregalogue, it is is a pachinko machine of powerful memes
By TulsaTornado
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Opening Day at the ballpark, if by 'day' you mean 'zipper'..

SE Cupp, she's so bright, car headlights are now called SE Cupplights..

Carrie Keagan, if sexiness were a game of Monopoly, every player would want to land on the community chest..

Jim Norton, he's funnier than a mime slipping on griffin dung..

Bill Schulz, STD's are afraid of catching him..
By dustrider
Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "Hoosiers", if by "Hoosiers" you mean "Hosers".

..and he can't get folks to pay and is getting thinner by the day, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.

By Remman
Jim Norton, he's funnier than a Keebler Elf trying to pick Papa Smurf in a Chelsea nightclub.

S.E. Cupp, If conservative she's so hot the homeless huddle around her on cold nights.

Carrie Keagan, if One Hit Wonders were a bet I'd double down on her double D's.
By Remman
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Fox News only not on the international feed.
By Donniep20
Jim Norten- If wit was a paranoid skunk, I would sleep with him every night

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