12:27pm on Wednesday the 23rd of October
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Fresh from the DAILYGUT.COM


By Uncle Jesse
The chopped to my salad, the void to my valid, the jaundiced to my palid, it's my repulsive sidekick Bill Schultz. He's been featured twice in Squatters Quarterly. He's an aspiring homesteader people
By Uncle Jesse
Welcome to RedEye, It's like Price is Right if by Right you mean Negotiable.
By sodomyonsunday
Paul- If hilarity were a super-soaker, little boys would be drenched after they pulled his trigger

Diana- if sexiness were a family dinner, I'd toss her salad in front of grandma

welcome to redeye, its like the OC if by OC you mean Oxycontin

By sodomyonsunday
welcome to redeye, its like the revenge of the nerds if by nerds you mean sores
By azideam

... and they'd strangely smell of asparagus afterwars.
By azideam
Diana Falzone; she's so hot, fire ants want to call her their Queen.

Paul Mecurio; if hilarity were a carry-on, I'd stuff him to capacity for a vacation.

Chris Cotter; he knows pro sports like I know rubber shorts.
By azideam
He's the outer to my space, the chantilly to my lace, the spade to my ace...

Bill Schulz; he moonlights as a Swiffer wet duster
By dustrider
Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "She Wore A Yellow Ribbon", if by 'ribbon' you mean 'liquid'.

...and he's a man about town who`s stock price is down, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.
By Lance Boyle
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like Where's Waldo, if by Waldo you mean the key to my handcuffs.
By Brody McBrohiem
Paul Mecurio - if hilarity were an energy drink, ravers would pound him before they hit the clubs.
By spaceagent
Diana Falzone - she's wanted in 15 states for suspicion of cuteness.
By Brody McBrohiem
Falzone - If cuteness were a liquor store, I would enter her and grab her cans... of beer. I like to drink, what can I say?

Chris Cotter - If charm was a cooler, men would stick their wieners in him before going to a bbq
By valleysam
Welcome to Redeye it's like Stand by Me; if by stand, you mean shackled.

They're entertaining, delightful, and always insightful; but enough about the Senate Oversight Committee ...

Bill Schulz - He blowns his paychecks on bubblegum and smack.
By Donniep20
Bill Schulz - he often chokes on kids meal toys, if by kids meal toys you mean sausage
By Remman
Diana Falzone, if dating expertise were an Easter egg hunt, I'd look in her bushes.

Paul Mecurio' he knows punch lines like i know cutting lines, what can i say people i likes my nose candy.

Chris Cotter he knows stocks and bonds like i know blonds in stocks, i love my bondage sessions.
By DarkUrthe
Diana Falzone she is so hot that you need asbestos gloves to goose her

Paul Mecurio were two cannibals going to eat him they woudl declare he tastes funny

Chris Cotter if intellect were the sweat hogs, Horschach would be in him for years.
By Icebreaker
Bill Schulz....he's so illiterate he thinks R-E-A-D is a four-letter word.

Diana Calzone...if sexiness were an island, she would've tipped over from having too many sailors on her

Welcome to Red Eye...it's like people who need people, if by "people" you mean "Bill Schulz", and by "people" you mean houseboys
By Jersey Dave
Bill Schulz: Well, he's the car to my drive, the cool to my jive, and the nose to my dive. It's my disgusting co host Bill Schulz. In Vienna, he's a little sausage.

Diana Falzone: She's so smooth that now when Josh Groban sings, people say "Man, that's Diana Falzone."

Paul Mercurio: If witty remarks were the Erie canal, I'd motorboat him all summer long.
By Jersey Dave
Chris Cotter: Welcome back Cotter, Chris Cotter that is, to Red Eye. If Business Knowledge were push ups, I'd do him in my garage.

Red Eye: It's like being a hero on Star Trek, if by hero you mean redshirt.

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