9:07am on Friday the 6th of December
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Fresh from the DAILYGUT.COM


By DarkUrthe
Jim Norton funnier than a mime making a clown suit out of real clowns.

S.E. Cupp she is so hot the phosphorus is taking legal action against her

Stephen Kruiser is wit were Jane Fonda's workout, many baby boomers would use him to spread their legs.

Phelim McAleer he knows scientific skepisism like Phil Plaitt knows global warming religion.
By sodomyonsunday
Jim Norton- if charm were a casino, elderly gentlemen would fill his slot then pull on his lever until they hit the jackpot

Bill Schulz in spanish speaking countries he's known as the chupacabra
By azideam
Jim Norton; if comedic genius were full-frontal nudity, I'd gaze upon his majestic moobs intently. Then I'd pass out after the blood left my brain.

S.E. Cupp; she knows the jerks in politics, like I know the quirks in bamboo chop sticks. Wierd they are!
By azideam
Stephen Kruiser; if hilarity were a magnet, I'd slap him, face-up, onto the fridge, then get some milk.

Mike Baker; he's so aluring, we've created a new cologne called Mike Baker for Men. The scent lingers on your fingers.
By dustrider
Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "The Amazing Colossal Man", if by 'man' you mean 'appendage'.

...and his opinions are balmy, but he makes good origami, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.

By spaceagent
He hangs out on the docks, he likes to throw rocks and he lives in a cardboard box -- my sidekick Bill Schutz. By law he's not allowed to use power tools.
By Naqamel
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like 'America's Most Wanted' if by 'Wanted' you mean 'Drunk'.

By Brody McBrohiem
Jim Norton - If hilarity were heavy cream, I would whip him and then eat him on top of a sunday
By valleysam
Welcome to Redeye - It\'s like When Animals Attack; if by animals, you mean houseboys.

They\'re beguiling, they\'re charming, and always disarming; but enough about the United Auto Workers.
By azideam
Bill Schulz; he earned a letter in art school for streaking.
By valleysam
Bill Schulz - In Turkey, he's considered a sock puppet.

S.E. Cupp - She's so hot, the term hot cup of joe as now referred to as a hot Cupp of Sarah Elizabeth.
By DarkUrthe
Bill Schulz, the fun to my dip, the road to my trip and the activity to my pit. His sweat smells of someone dum dums and horse tranquilizers.
By mokiral
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like World of Warcraft. If by Warcraft you mean human trafficking.

Mike Baker, he's so dangerouns that water boards and now referred too as "at least it's not Mike Baker boards".

By Willadamus
Welcome to Red Eye!!! It's like "Life on Broadway", If by "Broadway" you mean "Inhalants"....

Jim Norton....If quick wit were a Bug on My Shirt, I'd Beat Him Off with Two Hands....
By Duck Of Death
Welcome to Red Eye. It's like Burning Man, if by man you mean sensation.

Jim Norton; If hilarity was a bowl of Orvile Redenbacker's I'd warm his kernels 'til he popped.

By leahblizz
Jim Norton....If hilarity were a tilt-a-whirl, I'd strap myself to him and ride him until I hurled.

Mike Baker...if insightful commentary were squat thrusts, I'd do him over and over until my thighs burned.

By leahblizz
My delightful sidekick Bill Schulz. Drinking after him is illegal in 32 states.
By leahblizz
Stephen Kruiser....if witty banter were a LifeAlert bracelet, I'd pound him until the ambulance showed up.
By leahblizz
S.E. Cupp. She's so hot, tribal villagers throw human sacrifices into her.

By TulsaTornado
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like 'Let's Make a Deal', which our legal dept says we're not allowed to comment on..

SE Cupp, she's so hot, the heat index is now called the SE Cupp index..

Jim Norton, he's funnier than a drunken griffin being run over by a pixie biker gang on their way to terrorize some Keebler elves..

Stephen Kruiser, if sharp wit were a pool table, he'd be the 8 ball..
By TulsaTornado
Bill Schulz, he's wearing a Hello Kitty thong...backwards..
By Jersey Dave
Welcome to Red Eye, it's like sharing hugs, if by hugs you mean needles.

Bill Schulz: Well he's the Howie to my Long, the Donkey to my Kong, and the Mister to my Wrong. It's my disgusting cohost Bill Schulz.

Pinch: Well it's the paper who says "Yes we can" to the thugs leading Iran.
By thatssorandom
Welcome to Red Eye! It's like "Days of our Lives" if by "Days" you mean "The Houseboys".
By thatssorandom
She's the box spring under the mattress of the right wing! S.E. Cupp! She's so foxy, Sweet recorded a song called "S.E. Cupp on the Run"!
By thatssorandom
Stephen Kruiser! He's so bright, Boy Scouts take him on campouts and turn him on!

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