9:06am on Friday the 6th of December
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Fresh from the DAILYGUT.COM


By AUTiger89
Joe Devito, if hilarity were wet hair, women would blow him after they get out of the shower.

Jill Dobson, if beauty were an oven, bakers would put their dough in her, after it rises.
By dustrider
Welcome to Red Eye -- It's like "Scent of A Woman", if by "Scent" you mean "DNA traces".

...and he thinks he knows it all, while his sales continue to fall, it's our New York Times correspondent; good to see you, Pinch.
By eoftheother
Joe Devito, if hilarity were a Downward-facing Dog, I'd do him on a yoga mat.
By Brody McBrohiem
Jill Dobson - If cuteness were a Bronco, men would hang on for dear life while riding her
By spaceagent
Sometimes he's creepy, sometimes he's freaky, but right now he's just weepy. My tearful sidekick Bill Schulz.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann: she knows laws like I know appalause.
By wheresmypants
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann- she knows legislation like I know constapation

Joe DeVito- if hilarity were an m&m, I'd be upset if he didn't melt in my mouth

Jill Dobson- If cuteness were a steak, I'd make sure she was well done before eating her

Steve Krackeur- if intelligence were a bank, I'd put my deposit in him

By DarkUrthe
Jill Dobson she is so hot that the boiling point is now called the Jill Dobson point.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann she knows legislation like I know indigestion... too much cheese for lunch people

Steve Krackeur he knows tv ratings like CNN doesn't

Joe DeVito funnier than a can of meat made from clown lips and feet
By valleysam
Welcome to Redeye - It's like The Young and the Restless; if by restless, you mean handcuffed.

Bill Schulz - The census bureau lists his sex as "other".

Con. Michelle Bachmann - She knows Congressional power like I avoid taking showers.

Steve Krackeur - He's so sharp, diabetics use him to test their blood sugar levels.
By Jersey Dave
Bill Schulz: Well, he's the wine to my pale, the stein to my ale, and the impersonator.. to my male. In monasteries, he's a rain barrel.

Representative Michelle Bachmann: She knows tweaking the left like I know feeling berefit.

Steve Krakauer: He knows spoofing the press like I know oiling my chest. Or Bill's.
By valleysam
Jill Dobson - She's so hot, Boy Scouts use her to cook their weiners.

Joe DeVito - Comedic genius were a jigsaw puzzle, families would do him on the dining room table.

By Jersey Dave
Joe DeVito: He's funnier a Mime being pulled apart between a pair of Clown Cars.

Pinch: He's the sagging Times, who covered for Stalin's crimes...
By Jersey Dave
valleysam - Good ones, especially the Dobson one man!
By Jersey Dave
wheresmypants - LOL!
By Willadamus
Steve Krakauer....If intelligence were a bowling alley, I'd slide on his wood before dropping my balls....

Joe DeVito....If quick wit were a winding canyon road, I'd vomit after going down on him....
By TulsaTornado
Welcome to Red Eye, it's just like 'March Madness', if by 'March', you mean 'Reefer'..

Jill Dobson, she's so cute, Hello Kitties have Jill Dobson stickers on their Jill Dobson lunch boxes..

Rep Bachmann, she knows passing bills like I know popping pills...& I mean Ex-lax, people! I've been so constipated lately..

By TulsaTornado
Joe Devito, he's funnier than a nearsighted griffin falling down a flight of stairs & impaling itself on a sleeping unicorn's horn.

Bill Schulz, Fun fact! He moonlights as a Rodeo Clown..
By rextut
Welcome to Red Eye. It's like "Suddenly Susan" if by "Susan," you mean, "bottomless."

Jill Dobson: She's so smoking, smoke detectors are now called "Dobson detectors."

Joe Devito: If hilarity were french toast, I'd eat him with syrup.
By rextut
Steve Krakauer: If webcast excellence were wet underwear, he'd chafe my thighs when I sweat.

Michelle Bachman: She knows legislative coffers like I know powerful stool softners.
By azideam
Jill Dobson; she knows wild entertainment like I know mild containment. I've got a thing for being locked down.

Joe DeVito; if clever wit were a fishing trip, I'd use him to chum the water.
By azideam
Bill Schulz... his native tongue is Esperanto, and it's purple.
By psudrozz
obama is coming to fox news:


will the kid gloves be off? will he have to answer tough questions?
By Lance Boyle
Joe DeVito, if wit were a light bulb, he'd glow when you screw him.

Jill Dobson, she's so hot, heating pads are now called Jill Dobsoning pads.
By Iverson3
Jill Dobson, she knows Brangelina like I know Mama Mia
By friendly-fire

"Swiss Designer Creates Dinosaur Dung Watch"


What a piece of crap!

Quite stylish.

Let's go get a pu pu platter.
By John Gault
Greg, what gives? I'm dying for a G-logue here.

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