10:35pm on Friday the 24th of January
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Fresh from the The Daily Gut

REPLACE-ALOGUE: LIKE WATER FOR VODKA

 
By Jaytan
It would be like replacing vodka with bleach or something. Because decaf coffee still tastes horrible, but it does nothing for you.... Although I don't think you'd need to have your stomach pumped after drinking it so maybe you're closer than I am.
By EricMh
This whole decaf issue has me thinking about sex with condoms as an analogy. If you could catch an STD from a coffee cup, the comparison would be pretty close.



I'll be happy for the 'assist' on this if someone can take it further. You see, I haven't finished my coffee yet, and my vocab is not fully firing.
By wankette
Arqu-ology is actually perfect. It makes your fans arquologists.

[bustles off to amend resume]
By DarkUrthe
Decaf is the Paris Hilton of the beverage world.
By AuthorJack
That was a good one wank, how bout insights from the sisterhood?



I too am a ritualistic coffee drinker. If the beans ain't right then the coffee bites and I'll go into a funk for days.



I'm turning seriously schizhoid. I must find balance.



By spaceagent
Like a great person once said, "Show me a man who hates coffee and I'll show you a man who hates life."

No, no, I'm kidding. I made that up.

Do you konw what Arguephobia is? It's an unnatural fear of the Arquette Sisters. It's quite common, especially among people who were once terrorized in grade school by hallway monitors.
By Jaytan
The only time I ever drink coffee is when I've run out of speed and don't have enough money to buy some more. Then I just go to the Denny's and sit there drinking cup after cup of coffee (all for one dollar) and use their coloring books.

Sometimes I'll drink some free water too.
By Sigmond
Your arquapology is accepted. Try to be more careful.
By jd nyc
Fiendish prank: mix in some decaf with the regular, gradually increasing the ratio over a few weeks to slowly wean co-workers off caffeine; once withdrawal is complete, switch to espresso!

While I have no actual "evidence," I HAVE noticed that John Gibson`s been especially giggly lately ....I suggest you start watering down his whiskey as payback
By PowWow
It's like non alcohol(ic?) beer. Don't switch my coffee. Don't switch my guinness. Don't water down my my jack with diet coke. We're good.



I don't even get flavored coffee, but that's a whole other thread.

By DoctorStrangelove
Arqalogue.....Sounds good to me. Yes...those who mix "leaded" with "unleaded" are worse than Hitler. I am an on and off coffee drinker...but when I do drink it..I want "leaded".....the other tastes horrible to me...Powwow has the right idea..it's like drinking "Near Beer".... Maybe the offender should have their supply of Sam Adams replaced with Near Beer.....

By DogOnCrack
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is beyond ridiculous.

Why the hell would anyone drink such piss if it didn't give them a buzz?

Where I'm from, doing so can literally be a "mortal" sin!
By Xian Do
I wish I had something worthy to contribute about this subject...but as a person who drinks neither beer nor coffee, I cannot identify with the subject matter.



Large quantities of Dr. Pepper and Ny-Quil, on the other hand...now THAT'S a subject I know!
By Xian Do
No...not mixed together!

That would be nasty!





(Although....it WOULD kill two birds with one stone...)
By Xian Do
By the way, O Sisters of Arquette...



Perhaps you could call them "Arque-ives"?



Or maybe "Arquette-textual Leanings"...if you're not into that whole brevity thing, as The Dude would say.





Yeah, yeah...I know they're lame...I just haven't had my own caffeine & cold medicine fix yet.
By dustrider
Arqu-ology is actually perfect. It makes your fans arquologists.



wankette --

Considering the people who hang around here, I think arquholics would be a more appropriate term.

And I suppose the words scrolling over the teleprompter would be the arqutext.
By jd nyc
how about...

if recited: Arque-logue

in print: Arque-TYPE!



By Xian Do
OOH! OOH! I KNOW!



"Arque-types"

By Xian Do
Sorry, jd nyc.



I defer to your post, since I have the habit of typing with only two fingers...



(must type faster next time...must type faster next time...must type faster next time...)
By DoctorStrangelove
gee
By wankette
Favre's retiring.

Get me a cup of coffee. If you put any decaf in it, I'll shoot you where you stand.

p.s., jd, nice one!
By DoctorStrangelove
Wankette ((HUGS))
By jd nyc
photo finish, D'oh - no reason to apologize or defer!!!!

and you were so excited, too - now *I* feel bad...



Thanks, Mama - but unfortunately I lacked Xian's pep

(some damn iced coffee THIS turned out to be - it's more watered down than Gibson's April whiskey's going to be)

By DoctorStrangelove
hmmmmmmmm very interesting.......very interesting
By DoctorStrangelove
Why does this feel like a version of "Total Recall" or an even stranger version of "Videodrome?"
By jd nyc
hmmmmmmmm very interesting.......but shtoopid!

Look - now it's Laugh-In
By Jaytan
Non-alcoholic beer?

Hell, I don't even drink light beer.

You've got to drink so much beer to feel anything that by the time you're buzzed you're bloated and feel like throwing up.
By Xian Do
Jaytan:"You've got to drink so much beer to feel anything that by the time you're buzzed you're bloated and feel like throwing up."



But...I thought that was the whole point of drinking beer in the first place?

By Xian Do
jd nyc: "photo finish, D'oh - no reason to apologize or defer!!!!

and you were so excited, too - now *I* feel bad...

Thanks, Mama - but unfortunately I lacked Xian's pep"



Don't feel bad, jd nyc...you deserve the credit!

Besides, my attitude is just a side effect of my Dr. Pepper/Ny-Quil cocktail.

I'm on the high end at the moment, full of vim & vigor, but any second now I'll crash ha...
By Xian Do
...zzzzzz...
By DoctorStrangelove
hmmmm You play with my emotions lol
By spaceagent
News: Obama and McCain have won the Vermont primary. Also, the Levy Law was passed by wide margin and takes effect immediately!
By PowWow
Well looks like Levy won't have to make that special trip to VT now after all.
By Allen Smithee
Xian Do - just share the credit, allright??

it's not like you posted it a day or two later & tried to take credit or anything, you know?

then tried again a week later....

By Xian Do
..rd and sleep like the dead...then the caffeine and sugar from the Dr. Pepper will kick back in and....



...Whoa...did I black out there?



Man...this Dr.Pepper/Ny-Quil mix is better than roofies!

I'd better find a way to market this before somebo...
By Xian Do
......zzzzzzz.......
By 29Victor
I turn on Fox News at midnight and The Beav' is still talking about Super Tuesday II. Crap.



Well, Hillary's back in the race. Someone pop some corn and I'll bring the Redhots. It's going to be a bloodbath.
By 29Victor
Starbucks sucks. I have a friend who owns a coffee shop and people will come in for the first time, taste their mocha and ask "is there coffee in this?" They are so used to Starbucks' bitter, burnt crap that they don't know what good coffee is supposed to taste like.
 
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