12:16pm on Wednesday the 23rd of October
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Fresh from the TimesDaily.com

GUNS CAN COME IN HANDY SOMETIMES

 
By Texas Bob
Pfft. You mean this weenie was armed and STILL ran out of the bank? This further proves the pussification of America. A real man would have hurdled over the writing tables, bitch slapped the guy to the floor and THEN drilled six holes through his upper torso.

(/Kathy Shaidle)
By DarkUrthe
I am sure Kathy Shaidle will have nothing but scorn for the tellers who were killed by this criminal.
By DarkUrthe
What had Bill dying of laughter last night? And um boots...
By Quidnunc Savant
Kathy must have hit too close to home . It seems to be stuck in your craw a little.
By Nilbog
Bob,

The preferred method is diving through the air with gun blazing and then doing somersaults firing once per rotation.
By sawbuck
All the while yelling out,"Yippie--oh--kai--ayy--mother-f****r",



or perhaps, "Say hello to my li'l fren'"
By Jim Treacher
Could be, Quidnunc. Or maybe I think it's funny?



(Why is it when I say something people don't like, they have to resort to impugning my motives? I don't remember saying anything about Shaidle's motives; just commenting on her words.)
By jd nyc
don't forget the part where Shaidle dismisses lines like:

'Chappell, however, said he just went by his instincts'

"I know what's right and what's wrong. There wasn't nothing I could do differently. I'm always going to do what I think is right"

"I don't think you had time to be scared"



And explains Chappell`s "I was prepared to shoot"

By jd nyc
by surmising that he`d either experienced the EXACT same situation before or else his mastery of creative visualization prepared him to take control of the situation



Oh, and Bill mentioned that his laughter was brought on by Greg's "delivery"

unclear whether he was referring to linguistic stylings or if it was a euphemism for whatever goes on during the commercial breaks

By dustrider
Given some of the lines on last night's show that weren't bleeped, I'm surprised Greg hasn't been banned from XM Ch. 121 for 30 days.



By Sigmond
So...a 400 pound gorilla runs amok in Amsterdam and NOT ONE brave soul tried to stop it. And he didn't even have a gun. I, like many other Internet Heroes would have given it a karate chop and then a good arm lock, and kicked it to the curb..
By sawbuck
I would never abuse our nearly-human-simian cousin like that. I would have given him a good scolding in sign language, which all gorillas instinctively know, and then told him to go back to his cage, falsely promising him he could have sex with Jane Goodall if he complied.
By Sigmond
It has been reported on BBC that the gorilla escaped because someone had promised it sex with Ms. Goodall..
By conehead
Sig...

Slightly in error...the gorilla escaped because he thought he would have to have sex with Jane Goodall.
By Sigmond
As a former lion tamer, I have experience with these wild animals. If you are about to be attacked by a wild gorilla or a toothy lion, the first thing you should do is give them a head butt. Then grab their tail and pull hard(caution with gorillas). Once tail is pulled, they see you as the master. Practice this with your dog at home to get proficient.
By sawbuck
Little known fact: In gorilla sign language, the gestures for Jane Goodall roughly translates into 'Scrawny hairless pale fellatrix'
By jd nyc
outstanding vocabulary word - "fellatrix" sounds so classy!

as if a run-of-the-mill sperm burping gutter slut managed to reach the executive level



By lizard boy
Sounds like one of those drugs advertised on TV.

"Ask your doctor about fellatrix. Its the dose you don't swallow."

By sawbuck
The great apes have the highest respect for Jane Goodall. Hence the classier term. She is, after, all a Ph.D.
By dorkafork
They could've just thrown pencils and cellphones at the guy. The wusses.
By DarkUrthe
Or deposit slips... those things can give wicked bad paper cuts.
By jd nyc
sawbuck - good point about her level of achievement!

barring nepotism or just plain luck, ambition is invariably the key determinant of success; it's what separates the everyday c*&#sucker from executive c*&#sucker



By sawbuck
Ambition, hard work, higher education, and a raging craving for ape cock is what got Dr. Goodall to where she is today.
 
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