9:05pm on Tuesday the 23rd of July
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Fresh from the BBC

HEATHER MILLS CONFIRMED TO DANCE ON TV

 
By BoscoH
Am I the only one disturbed more by Sir Paul's contention in the divorce proceedings that she was too lazy to get out of bed to use the bathroom at night?



Idea for Greg's intro tonight... "Like the McLaughlin Group without old, fat, whiney people."
By Right...
Is this season going to be called Dancing With The Tramps?

By nor cal ken
Any Yoko Ono song would be appropriate as well...



And for "country" week she can kick up her heel to "She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft" during her one-step routine.
By BudBaxter
Greg,



Hope you are surviving snailless now that it's Lent...
By Schmofo
What dance steps would be, er, accordant with her, um, "dance apparatus?" The hokey-pokey? The bunny hop? The one-step?
By Berrka
"Like the McLaughlin Group without old, fat, whiney people."



BoscoH, you act like thats a good thing. If I don't get me some old fat whineyness I walk.
By matt m.
Don't forget about "Super Freak"!



A dance competition? Is she going to get special "hero" treatment? What are they going to do if the fucking leg falls off during a dance routine, flys across the stage, and lands toes-first in some guy's balls, causing everyone to laugh? Have they thought this through?



By Berrka
Matt M. I believe the hypothetical you describe is the one and only reason they invited her in the first place. That would be comedy gold, the most watched clip on Youtube, and firm proof God loves us and wants us to be happy.
By matt m.
I think if she danced WITHOUT the prosthetic, to say, "Gonna Make you Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)", that would be comedy gold! (or if she used it to play air guitar to something from Def Leppard, with their drummer right behind her)
By Berrka
Matt, its all good, there are a million diffrent ways they can go with it. I for one hope to see some Irish Step Dancing, and I HATE Irish Step Dancing.
By JackReacher
Greg, I know it's an ancient song, but "At the Hop" by Danny and the Juniors. She should excel at that one.



Berrka, I have Irish Step Dancing tickets for tomorrow night ... you in?
By JackReacher
Oh, and don't forget, Walk Like A Man (with one leg), by the Four Seasons.



OK, I think I'm done.
By Berrka
Jack,



Depends on two things:

1. How many one legged dancers are there?

2. How would you rank yourself on a scale of beautiful woman to dude?
By matt m.
I would rank Ann Coulter as a "David Spade" (that's a 5 on your scale). Ha!



P.S. Levy- See, I added more depth to that one.

Harrison Ford 2008!
By Berrka
Matt, hate to tell you but the Berrka Scale does not use numbers. It uses alcoholic beverages.
By matt m.
Wait...You said, "on a scale of beautiful woman to dude". Does that therefore mean you would have sex with a dude after ten drinks? (assuming it's a scale of 1 to 10, but even if it's not, the Berka Scale clearly ranges between dudes and beautiful chicks, and involves alcohol)



P.S. Just kidding dude. I couldn't resist.
By Berrka
Yeah, the scale goes from 1 to 10 beers but its not linear, its logarithmic. Which I think means its like 10000 beers to sleep with a dude. I don't know, I went to law school and my math skills are limited.



Point being NO MEANS NO MATT, HANDS OFF!
By JackReacher
After reading that exchange between Matt and Berrka, I feel like a low life Pina Colada.
By rasterbator
Greg has had a jones for The Ramones since high school. Figures he would say that.



Since Chicago Tribune is bitching about RedEye name, how about Greg's Unspeakable Truth for the name of the show?
By SuperWedgie
Don't forget "Stand" by REM
By JackReacher
I about forgot! How about "This Stump is Made for Walking", ( by Nancy Sinatra.



OK, now I'm totally done.
By lizard boy
She used to dance the mambo and samba, but now she likes the cha.
By JeffWoehrle
Hey, I'd still take her out for a drag...
 
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